Overcome The “I Hate Networking” Syndrome!

By John West Hadley

The Stepping Stone, March 2025

I often encounter people who aren't very comfortable with networking. Others claim they are, but just never seem to find the time to do it. Some of the reasons I hear include:

• I don't like "marketing" myself.
• I'm not a people person.
• It's a waste of time; everyone I know knows the same people.
• I'm just too busy.
• Networking is so "intentional," I feel like I have an ulterior motive.
• Everyone is too busy to network with me.

These are often just excuses for someone who has never learned effective networking skills or isn't really in touch with the vast benefits they can obtain from networking.

I have to confess, I was pretty shy growing up. Then I became an actuary, and found myself in a profession with a tendency towards introversion. The standing joke was that the outgoing actuary was the one who looked at YOUR shoes while he talked to you.

That started to change when I went to my first New York Actuaries Club meeting. I naturally gravitated to those I knew from work, or had met taking exam preparation classes. They introduced me to a few people from other companies, who I started to see at other functions, who introduced me to others, etc. Before I knew it, I had built a substantial network of contacts effortlessly. And I found I really enjoyed outside functions more because I could almost always count on running into someone I knew!

The first step to overcoming networking reluctance is to examine carefully the source of your reluctance. For example, if you "don't like marketing," why do you think of networking as marketing? Networking is really about building relationships, so perhaps you simply have a false assumption as to what you are trying to achieve.

Maybe you feel it’s not worth it, because everyone is too busy. After all, you’re very busy and don’t have much time for extraneous meetings, so why should they be any different?

Let me ask you this: A close friend tells you it would really mean a lot to him if you would meet him for coffee to review what's going on in his search and give him any advice. Would you make the time to meet? I'm guessing you would.

What if that same friend called to say he wanted to come to your office so you could introduce him to several hiring managers at your company. That would seem like a big ask, and you might very well say no.

Now, suppose:

• An important client asked if you'd sit down with her spouse?
• Someone whom you wish were a client asked if you could meet and give some advice to a friend?
• A senior officer at your company asked you to meet with his daughter?
• An influential business contact asked you to meet with a contact of hers?
• A business colleague who has been extremely helpful to you over the years asked you to meet with a former co-worker.
• Someone you don't know well, but who is highly respected in your industry, suggested you might gain some useful insights in meeting a colleague.
• Your indispensable administrative assistant asked if you could make time for brief meeting with someone she'd met who really impressed her?

I'm sure we can all think of many other scenarios where you would almost certainly take a meeting, no matter how busy you were. The key is that there is a relationship that is being drawn upon. How close a relationship is required depends on the person, and as was illustrated in the first example, the way you ask for the meeting.

Next, for motivation, get really clear about what networking could do for you. Networking allows you to:

• Tap into the expertise of others. (This can be especially helpful on the job; you bring a lot more value to an employer if you can bring new, outside perspectives, and other's real-life experiences, into the discussion at hand.)
• Get ideas and find out new ways to tackle old problems.
• Identify resources that might be valuable to you in the future.
• Learn about interesting opportunities, both internal and external.
• Create entirely new opportunities for yourself.

In my own case, a few years after achieving my FSA, I was ready to move to a new company. I told a friend who had his own actuarial consulting practice, and he introduced me to two clients who were expanding, and where he felt I would be a good fit. Both made me offers.

I then found myself responsible for a very large single premium deferred annuity block, without a particularly strong background in that area. I started reaching out to actuaries at competitors to compare notes on different issues, and pretty soon was bringing valuable insights to bear on our operation.

Years later, when our company was merging into our parent, I was one of the only officers offered a role with the parent, simply because of the network I had built up that allowed others to see the value I might bring to the table.

So now let's say you decide to go out and do some networking. You sign up to go to a Society of Actuaries conference, but as the networking reception approaches you start to get sweaty palms.

Lower the bar. Set a realistic goal for the networking event that you can buy into and feel comfortable with—say, talking with at least three people you haven't met before. Now you will have more focus, and you will be able to relax when you've achieved your goal.

One of the things that often holds people back with talking to people they don’t know is a fear of the awkward silence. To combat that, come prepared with some questions you can use to prime the pump. Sure, go ahead and ask someone what they do or where they work, but don’t leave it there. Ask questions that get into their motivations and get them talking about themselves, like:

• What attracted you to that company?
• What do you like best about it?
• What drew you into actuarial work in the first place? Has it met your expectations?
• What do you like about (pricing / valuation / financial reporting / …)?
• If you could change something about your job, what would it be?

Then be prepared with a simple answer to ‘what do you do?’ when the person asks. Don’t say “I’m a pricing actuary,” talk about a simple result of what you do or have done, or a challenge you have (or can) help your company overcome. That will set you apart from others who simply give a title, and set things up better for an interesting conversation. (For more on this concept, see this: https://jhacareers.com/30-second-pitch/)

Just try it. It gets easier with practice, as you build your networking muscles. And soon you may find it's actually fun!

Statements of fact and opinions expressed herein are those of the individual authors and are not necessarily those of the Society of Actuaries, the newsletter editors, or the respective authors’ employers.

John Hadley was an FSA for many years, and now works with job seekers frustrated with their search. He can be reached at John@JHACareers.com or 908.725.2437. Find his free Career Tips newsletter and other resources at www.JHACareers.com. LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnwesthadley/